You might be looking here for some answers, you won't find them here. I wouldn't bother reading this site at all if I were you. Go on, move along, there is nothing to see. If you choose to continue, then I can't honestly be held responsible for the time wasted, you chose to continue and against all advice started reading.
#Monday November 10th 2014 14:52.00 I'm a little nervous. Today it is my first official day as a climbing wall instructor at Craggy Island in Guildford. I passed my assessment with flying colors, and have worked on many group days at Wild Wood, instructing safe belaying to a range of people, but there is something new about this today. I'm hoping I'm taking a kids club first, not a birthday party. You may already know the assessment I had was a party of 9-10 year old boys with very high energy. Today, I'd like to pass that baptism of fire and get on with a pleasant, stable, equally skilled group of kids.
#Friday May 1st 2015 23:33.00 Hia all. I'm going to Scotland, will be wild camping for some of it. It looks as though there is still a lot of winter about. I have weight concerns, and I'm not talking about my midriff. We all know that hiking and camping means more stuff to carry and I'm experienced in that, but am I being a fool to think I could also carry my winter gear too? I'm not conditioned for it and I think I'm making a mistake even considering it. Here's my concern, directly: I'm thinking of going slow and steady like a tortoise but then the food has to last longer as the routes take more time to complete, so I have to camp more days to complete the route and therefore carry more weight, repeat ad infinitum. I mean, how do the mountaineers do it? Do you do it? I'm spending two to three weeks exploring off path in Scotland, travelling up next Monday. I've been recommended by my ML(s) training instructor to use more 'uneven ground' in Scotland before applying for my ML(s) assessment, but am concerned that Scotland mountains may still be in winter conditions and don't want a wasted trip (Won't be taking winter kit with me as it is too tempting to use if I have it then won't be able to count the QMD). It's a big ask but I'm travelling from the South of England - Does anyone have eyes on the ground for the following? Glencoe and Kinlochleven: Bidean nam Bian, Three Sisters / Stob Coire Sgreamhach / Lost Valley (Coire Gabhail), Glen Coe Aonach Eagach / Meall Dearg / Sgorr nam Fiannaidh Fraochaidh, from Ballachulish (Concerns over water levels fording River Laroch) Beinn a'Bheithir / Sgorr Dhearg / Sgorr Dhonuill Torridon, Shieldaig and Kinlochewe: Liathach, Glen Torridon / Spidean a' Choire Leith / Mullach an Rathain Beinn Eighe (western summits) / Ruadh-Stac Mor / Spidean Coire nan Clach Behind Liathach - Coire Mhic Nobuil and Coire Dubh Beinn Alligin / Sgurr Mor / Tom na Gruagaich Thanks in advance, I see snow still on Ben Nevis but doesn't look like full winter conditions to me so will probably take in the Carn Mor Dearg Arete on the way through as I've only ever done Castle Ridge.
#Thursday October 15th 2015 21:00.00 I had a long appointment with a Doctor at our new practice. It was very useful. You see I have been very depressed again, and have become quite destructive again in my close relationships. Four working days ago I booked an appointment to see the Doctor at the new surgery we all registered at a few short weeks back. I had little hope of support as our medical records haven't been sent though to the new practice yet. It is likely that the medical records will take up to six weeks to arrive after being accepted which was five working days ago. The NHS is running on (probably something even newer than) DAWN II computer network nationally, they use paper records in the practices. Disappointing, all those Doctors, all over the country using Practice Management tools to record conversations and print prescriptions, but no method of instant transfer. I arrived for the appointment and dropped off a prescription from the old practice for my wife's pain medication, entered my details into the automated appointment notification computer and awaited my turn. It became surprisingly busy very quickly, but I was seen soon enough.
#Saturday October 17th 2015 01:21.00 I spent today (actually yesterday as I am writing this in the early hours of the next day) in an unusually good place. I have to tell you all about it. It has taken hard work. I woke in the condition I have encountered each morning this week, perhaps longer, it was foul and negative. I saw the morning paper round as a colorless, wet cold and monotonous unchallenging event. It is Friday and I started making up reasons based upon false 'reward' for using the car to achieve the paper round. I wanted to get into yesterday's dirty clothes, I may have work them for a few mornings now, I know I wore the trousers and shirt on the weekend on the 6 hour hillside reconnaissance walk with my best friend for a fact. I was seeing myself putting on yesterday's socks and pants and not liking it but not feeling like I deserved any better. I had at some point in the night chosen to turn off my phone whilst it was charging, that takes several steps as it is a smartphone so I must have had some level of logic about me, though not enough to see the consequence of my actions at that point. I saw myself returning home in a foul mood, having begrudgingly completed the task, leaving my teenage child in the living room by herself, to wait for the hour and a half which would be left as we had used the car. I would then be in bed feeling unwell, probably achy and ruminating on not only what had been done, but also what I was currently doing and what would be done in the future from that point. I would be disappointing in using the car, feeling terrible leaving my eldest child by herself in the dark and lonely living room. I would be ignoring the sound of my youngest infant crying out for breakfast because he woke when we arrived home and made some mild noises. I would be presenting my likely to be in agony wife with the dilemma of leaving the house to fall apart loudly around her, or to get up in excruciating pain after a few hours sleep to handle the children, chores and project work that needs to be done for the day. I would continue to lay in bed silently feeling like crap and continuing on the process of self destruction. I would also be effectively destroying the love and respect of those I love most.
#Saturday October 17th 2015 01:22.00 The interesting part for me here is that my mind works visually. None of this was spoken internally, there is no verbal monologue. Instead, I realized a few inspiring scenes. Fighting is no the correct verb, I wished to use a method of mindfulness I imagine is a lot like Jeet Kune Do. I wished to observe but not react emotionally to the scenes presented to me. I wanted to be able to side step and perhaps apply a little pressure to encourage the scene to pass but not push them or force them, instead use their power against them to allow them past faster than they would ordinarily. It is a dangerous motif to employ as if the scene imagery and my negative subconscious was prepared for my maneuver, they could apply their energy in an alternative weaker location. This was a sparring contest, each of my blocks would open another hole in my defense, I was alert though and this morning I was able to deliver internally created positive visions, based on words. Character, stamina, fitness - responsibility. I was entertained by the thought that I recently realized my example was setting my teenage child up for failure. My actions have already allowed certain negative traits to manifest in them and I have decided to take corrective actions. I may have mentioned personality and character in previous commentary so don't feel the need to explain my interpretation of character, personality and the current social zeitgeist. Stamina only arrives when work has been executed consistently, it is a trait of consistency, something I lack, and something I have in fact worked in the past to remove because of a fear of becoming obsessive. Fitness, is not founded in the physical body but the mind that allows the opportunity to improve oneself to be taken. This was one of those opportunities. I had walked on Saturday for ~25km, on Sunday I took the paper round longest route at 22:00 to ensure I knew it well enough to demonstrate it to my teenager. On Monday at 05:00 I was up and ready to go, Tuesday it was 06:15, Wednesday the same and this made me feel worse about myself. When Thursday came, my wife went instead because of my mood. I felt even more like a failure, but had listened to our discussions, the Doctor and my 'self' in the afternoon and had decided to make a positive change.
#Saturday October 17th 2015 01:23.00 This was that change. I saw the mind was an organ responsible for creating thoughts, the way the Pancreas creates insulin. I don't pay any attention to the insulin created by my pancreas, except perhaps when I take too much sugar in one go and experience an insulin spike or sugar crash. Thoughts can be treated the same way. This is how I dealt with them this morning. I'm leaving this here now as I am tired and it's been too long. Its now Saturday and I have a teenager to challenge tomorrow. I have a wife to support. I have a baby to cwtch and care for. I have a 'self' to improve.
#Saturday October 17th 2015 02:28.00 He woke up. We had gone to bed quietly, settled down and were briefly resolving the day behind and planning the day ahead. Not sure how effective we were being but it wasnnice. We've not talked for a few days properly in the evening. He cried out and she got up to attend as I will be up at 05:30 preparing for the paper round. The poor dap has a dry throat, this gravity fed back boiler is creating problems for us and must be replaced as soon as possible. In the mean time she has suggested putting some wet things on the radiator to humidity the room. Sounds like a food idea to me but for now, I must go to sleep, I'm up in a little over three hours for a 5km walk/jog with a teenager and some newspapers.
#Saturday October 17th 2015 05:15.00 I collected my son he was crying, lying on his face, asleep and not at all aware of his surroundings. As soon as his cheek met my left shoulder and he tiny bottom was cradled on my left forearm he fell silent. I am certain I had a conversation with my wife on the way out of our bedroom, I feel like it was about feeding him but it feels too early to make a bottle. I return to the bedroom and attempt to lie down with him in my arms, he can sleep on my chest and slip into the nook of my arm then cuddle my chest lightly breathing onto me the way only he can. That was never going to happen was it, as soon as my shoulder blades touches the mattress cover he started wailing with vigor again. It was a shock to me, but probably more of a shock to my wife who was re-awoken by the noise, rudely interrupted and deprived her sleep. I realized that I was being a dick again. I was thinking of me, or being unthinking and operating entirely on impulse or urge. I wanted sleep, I wanted him to sleep, I wanted to be asleep, my mind was asleep. I needed to be up and caring for him, I needed to be away from my wife whilst he was creating this noise. I took control of myself and went downstairs.
#Saturday October 17th 2015 05:20.00 I kindly covered his eyes to shield him from the bright fluorescent strip light as I turned it on. This didn't work, he was startled, and blinking, then snuggled into my neck to protect his eyes. I sluiced the kettle and filled it, popped it on to boil and prepared a bottle. I ached, so I moved to the living room, found the sofa and sat in the dark him on my arm listing out to the distinctive *pop* of the kettle thermostatic switch. it came, but not before my baby had settled into a deep sleep again, his body had gone completely limp. I sat there, attempting to figure out what to do next. Do I follow my gut instinct and attempt to put him to bed again with no bottle, or do I make the bottle and attempt to feed him? Either way, the outcomes were uncertain. I had in my mind, half an hour before the paper round and I didn't want to disappoint my teenage daughter.
#Saturday October 17th 2015 05:30.00 I feel hung over. I am discovering with time that hangovers are bad but tiredness is the most painful part. I am discovering this in part due to my infant son, and in part because of this paper round. I drank last night, but it can't possibly count. I had a small bottle of 2% lemony Fosters beer. I have never had it before and I don't think cloudy lemonade shandy is a bad thing, it was interesting with Fosters though. 2%, I don't even know if that is one unit. There is no way that I feel this way because of that single beer alongside all of the party food. I think it has to be tiredness. I am in a good mood but my brain is functioning slowly. I am seeing my head move (from the third person) and leaving a blur trail behind it. My eyes are moving backwards into my skull and my thoughts and judgement are unclear and very unstructured. My unstructured thoughts are making it difficult to priorities or even create a sequence of events. My infant son is crying and needs attention. I am not going to allow my wife to attend, but I am struggling to get the major joints in my body to feel like they are attached in the correct way. My shoulders and hips feel sloppy like old worn loose engine mounts on a car with a sticky accelerator pedal. I kangaroo across the bedroom to the hall.
#Saturday October 17th 2015 05:45.00 I took him upstairs and lay down in bed with him, again he screamed out and my wife kindly pointed out that I had more than 45 minutes before collecting the papers would be 'late'. This clear instruction gave me some words to wake up my linear mind, this engaged my auditory brain and I could see clearly what needed to be done. Make a bottle, feed him, put him to bed, get dressed and go to the paper round. I made the bottle and cooled it rapidly in a large basin of cold water. We moved to the living room and sat again on the sofa. I placed him on my lap and cradled his head with my left arm, he was in a half asleep state, with my right hand popped the bottle nipple into his mouth and he started to feed. I had made 9 ounces because this was probably his breakfast. If he woke, I'd take him on the paper round.
#Saturday October 17th 2015 06:00.00 My teenage daughter came quietly downstairs and he was asleep. I had possibly fallen asleep too but I am not totally sure. My mind was wandering and wondering as it does when left unchecked. I was thinking about nonsense. Could I fit 20 inch wheels on a Volkswagen Lupo, what would the wishbones look like, would I need to cut out the rear wheel arches, and could I simple nibble the front wings, I wanted the tire one inch away from the inside top of the front wheel arch, could I find suspension to fit the gap. This is all nonsense as I have never nibbled wings, welded rear arches or bought new wheels for a car and I don't even own a Lupo. A quiet shush, a brief good morning and blown kiss exchange before she disappeared into the kitchen and I debated what to do next. I was still in my pajamas, he was a sleep, she was ready to go and I was away with the faeries. I decide to get him upstairs and in to bed so I cold get dressed washed and go on the paper round.
#Sunday October 18th 2015 19:59.00 We are Studying and Introduction to Psychology by Steve Joordens this evening. Before we moved, and in fact, before the expedition I dead in Malaysian Borneo, we started watching the videos for an old course on Coursera. Because where has been so much interest in the course over the years, they have decided to run it again. We are behind by a few weeks I think but will be catching up quickly as we have already watched many of the videos.
#Sunday October 18th 2015 20:21.00 Psychology emerges from the shadow of the soul, this is the first lecture from Week 1. For centuries humans have perceived themselves as separate, or special from all other things. We are spirits in a material world. We are distinct because of the spiritual aspect. We assume that the material things in this world follow certain natural laws, and with scientific method we can understand this physical world around us. For example, Physics, chemistry, biology and astronomy. But by believing ourselves as spiritual beings, we can not scientifically examine ourselves. Philosophy began, with Descartes 1596 - 1650, John Locke 1632-1704 and James Mill 1733-1836. a story was told regarding Renee Descartes, he stood on a pressure plate which moved a statue in a graveyard. He saw himself believe it had intention to block his path, perhaps in that moment he realized this inanimate object looked animate and transferred this concept of mechanics to animals. He believed that humans were different, we are part machine but we are different in that we have a soul, the same way a puppeteer is able to move the strings to cause the action of the puppet. The soul can directly control, but it can also sit back and allow the machine to run without invention, this was called Duality and duality was one of the first concepts of Philosophy. John Locke believed that perhaps the human brain was also a machine which could be controlled. James Mill gave these thoughts the name Materialism. He believed that all material things can be studied, and therefore the science of Psychology was born. Philosophy is about ideas, but how do you know the ideas were right? They use empiricism to prove what is and what is not true. Luigi Galvani 1737-1798 ended up doing a lot of experimentation on frogs legs with static electricity. He would assert, there is no soul in these frogs legs, you may believe there once was a soul but now there is none. From a material perspective, and by applying an electrical current, you can make it move, and this could be used to prove that the body at least appears to be a mechanical device, perhaps not hydraulic, as Renee Descartes's staturu was, but perhaps could be thought of today as an electro mechanical device. Paul Broca 1824-1880, discovered a subset of people who could understand speech but could not produce it. He asked their permission and a number of patients agreed to let him take their brains when they died. He was very patient and eventually discovered 'Brokers Area' which was locally responsible for controlling speech output. Later "Vernecies Area" was discovered to be responsible for speech input. The Philosophical move to materialism was supported by this empirical data. Localism was a field of brain study that was borne from these tests. Incidentally, around this time, the story of Frankenstein's monster was released, showing science and the general public were becoming accepting of the concept of materialism.
#Sunday October 18th 2015 20:27.00 We can study human behavior scientifically because it is determined by natural laws. Science is the practice of explaining phenomena in terms of natural or universal laws. The study of human behavior can only lend itself to the scientific method because humans are physical entities and, thus, our behaviors are governed by these natural laws. Rene Descartes proposed the idea of a dual human nature following his interaction with a statue animated by hydraulics. Although he knew the statue was non-living inanimate object, it appeared to move purposefully as if it were alive.
#Sunday October 18th 2015 20:34.00 Professor Patricia S Churchland asserts that the brain is a Causal Machine. Antecedent conditions will change state ,from perhaps a reflex as a result from pain. This is neuro biology. There does not appear to be any non causal Cartesian interfaces. This is a physical brain, remarkable, unique and complex but appears to be causal not Cartesian.
#Sunday October 18th 2015 21:45.00 There is a wonderful video called God it in the Neurons, written and researched by Athene, edited and narrated by Rese015 with music by Professor Kliq. The video is about 22 minutes long and is worth a watch to understand Materialism. The human brain is a massive network. Experiences trigger neural pathways to fire and those used more often become stronger. this is called neuro plasticity. Virtually any sort of talent or skill is trainable. Rationality and emotional resilience work the same way, they are neural connections which can be strengthened. Being self aware can, greatly enrich our life experience as we can formally structure our learning.
#Sunday October 18th 2015 21:46.00 Psychology before Freud, briefly. Psychology holds some tension withing the scientific world, it's merit is questioned. This could be because there are two approaches, the clinical approach and the basic scientific research approach. This has developed a multiple personality.
#Sunday October 18th 2015 22:04.00 Psychology was bourn in Germany. The first psychologists were German, in the 1800s Germany were the strongest country in the world. They were economically strong and invested in healthcare, military design, to keep Germany at the forefront. They were really willing to confront alternative research topics. German Von Helmholtz 1821 1894, he was an Empirical Philosopher and an Ophthalmologist, he showed that some issues related to the machinery of the mind could be studied if you were clever enough. The speed with which neural tissue transmits information, or neural transmission rates. It was believed this was too fast to measure. Multiple approaches were taken by Helmholtz. He wanted to know how long it took for someone to squeeze their right hand in response of a squeeze applied to the left. The timing apparatus in the day could not time this. If you lined 1000 people up and then stood separately on roller skates. Could you squeeze the first hand, skate all the way along the line and catch the squeeze at the other end of the line? You can, he timed this and took the total time, divided it by the average amount of neural tissue in the human body, he showed that it traveled at approximately 25-38 meters per second. Ernst Weber 1795 - 1878, discovered the difference threshold, a truth or perhaps a law. How different did you need to make something before the difference could be detected. For example, two lines, how much do you need to add to the one line to make it look different. He called it the just noticeable difference. hoe big that amount was depended on the original length of the line, or intensity of the stimulus. This appeared to be a constant ratio. Ten millimeter lines, for example, they had to add two millimeters to make them look different, a two millimeter difference. Now with a one hundred millimeter line, two millimeters could not be seen, but a twenty meter difference could be seen. He called these Weber fractions and called his study, psycho physics. There are constants to perception, and in Germany, the willingness to open up to these new fields was there. Then we meet Wilhelm Wundt 1832-1920, 1874 the first experiential lab, and 1879 the first textbook was produced. He is the first person who could call himself a psychologist. He developed introspection, in which he trained people to look into their mind in a trained way to observe their mind and report. For example, he may show them a color and they would tell him what the saw, heard, smelt etc. This allowed him to ascertain what conscious experience looked like. The problem was that he was not observing this, others were looking for him and reporting back, did making this verbal change the experience? How scientific was this? Darwin became involved from a biological view, he didn't want to know the way things were, but wanted to know why the things were the way they were, as in his study of different finches and their beaks, 'designed' with features to allow them to feed in the context that the animal lives. Don't worry about what things look like when categorizing, but why they are like that. This came into Wundt's thought and into psychology. William James 1842 - 1910 he wrote the Principles of Psychology in 1890. He would wonder what attention, memory, will were good for? Then come to a theoretical stance on them. He was an idea generator, like a philosopher on cognitive things, not based on empirical evidence, but later our data seems to match his theories. Freud seems to have messed all of this up.
#Sunday October 18th 2015 22:06.00 The just noticeable difference or difference threshold is the minimum level of detectable difference between two measurable stimuli. This scientific calculation has been used to study various dimensions such as brightness of lights, length of lines and the loudness of sounds.
#Sunday October 18th 2015 22:10.00 Introspection is a technique wherein a person reflects upon and reports their personal experience. Early scientists criticized this technique because it was indirect and subjective. The technique of introspection was heavily criticized because it was an indirect measure of what psychologists were trying to study: the structure of consciousness. Furthermore the use of subjective reports rather than objective measures could lead to bias caused by individual differences.
#Sunday October 18th 2015 23:13.00 Looking back through today's activities, I'm seeing a pattern. Presently, I am very sluggish and tired. My mood seems cranky but I wouldn't say I was, and my brain is in a state that I could describe as lacking oil. Maybe my subconscious is telling me I need more omega three, or medium chain triglycerides. Perhaps it's simply tired. It is now 10:54 in the evening, we've spent a decent amount of time researching and learning about the history of Psychology. This is a course we entertained for a while before I went to Borneo, and we have decided to pick it back up again for personal development and perhaps career reasons. I'm interested in the mind and the way it works so bought a correspondence course to become a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Practitioner, but realizing I hadn't formally been educated in Psychology 101, I would be starting from a potentially poor place. Maybe it's procrastination but I still think it is wanting to be prepared. This evening though, now in the present moment, I am tired. I am tired a lot recently. I will be getting up in the morning with my teenage daughter for her eighth day as a paper girl before school, though tomorrow we will be using bikes instead of walking, and certainly not the car. We've yet to meet the weather here so that will be an exciting one when it arrives. She is chuffed at receiving her first payment, and I am happy for her. The day has been messy. I expected to take the kids out for the day, but we had a rocky night last night and a poor start this morning. This meant that after his nap, we left the house after midday. My wife wasn't feeling up to her task for the day so joined us when we went out. We were looking for foreign money for a Geography field trip and a local post office was listed as open today, I was surprised as it is a Sunday, but off we went only to discover that all services apart from foreign exchange were available. We then went to Tesco to do the shop, had lunch in the cafe and came home for dinner. We sat whilst unpacking the shopping before dinner and planned out the next week's worth of food, on the special note book I bought my wife for Christmas last year, this is the first time it has been opened and I am looking forward to seeing if our plans work out. We agreed we need to shop online as it is a waste of time and money shopping in the store.
#Monday October 19th 2015 05:00.00 Very busy day today, up bright and early to attend to crying infant at 05:00. I was all a dither again, but after dropping him off with the wife for a few minutes whilst I had a wee, I managed to formulate a plan. He needed feeding, he was exceptionally tired. When I returned, luckily he wasn't asleep, unfortunately neither was my wife, it was unfair again but it was needed. I remembered my phone this time, as it has noises that disturb his sleep, I took it with me to sort out downstairs. I went downstairs with a sleepy weepy infant on my shoulder, rinsed the kettle and re-filled it and prepared a bottle. Whilst it was cooling, I sat on the sofa with him and watched his tired eyes taking the room in. He sat on my lap facing me and I sang the ABC song to him gently over and over. I used the microwave as a timer to time the cool down, a large pot of cold water will cool the 9oz bottle in about 6 minutes, which is the same time it takes to sterilize another four bottles. It worked out perfectly. I gave the bottle another few minutes, and he had a few more ABCs.
#Monday October 19th 2015 05:30.00 Whilst feeding him, I was concerned that my alarm could go off so I turned the settings off. He fed for a long time, I heard the boiler turn on at 05:30, and my teenage daughter's alarm went off, it is very loud and buzzed for a few bouts before it was silenced. This disturbed the feeding baby but not too much.
#Monday October 19th 2015 05:45.00 At about 05:45, my daughter came into the room to quietly ask what mode of transport we would be using today, I expected bikes as we had discussed it last night, but she was too tired. So we agreed on car, this once. If this happens again though, I will be asking for some money to pay for fuel and this will eat into her wages quickly.
#Monday October 19th 2015 06:15.00 She wasn't too happy but got dressed into her school uniform for some reason and prepared her dinner with the pasta I had cooked the night before. At about 06:15 she was ready to go, but unfortunately, he wasn't finished feeding. There was a strange silence in the room, I'm not sure but I think she was reading just out of my view. He finished feeding and I went and got dressed.
#Wednesday October 28th 2015 13:08.40 I've been sat here in the Library for what seems like hours and I've been unable to achieve anything. I was not prepared to be here and working on my CV or a job application. Had I thought about this properly I would have had a plan. Perhaps I need to have a plan for all the things I want to achieve and then put them though a GTD contextual filter to ensure I am being effective. I am not being effective today.
#Thursday October 29th 2015 10:16.07 I just had a heart attack. I'm ok now. Rowan had just fallen back to sleep after waking at 06:30, I'm knackered lol. I had just started to watch Colombo on the telly, when I realized that the living room was untidy with toys everywhere. I decided to quietly tidy toys away into their large box. So, there is sinister music on Columbo, the murder scene was happening in slow motion as I watched and stepped, trying to be quiet, I stood on an older toy which now plays a creepy baby giggle instead of it's music. With my left hand I was carrying the 'Room on the Broom' sound book, my finger touched the cackling witch button. My right hand lifted the huge bag of plastic balls out of the deep toy box, I'm slightly off balance standing on one foot doing too many things at once, the bag of balls had been holding the popup ball pen down in it's coiled and ready to pounce mode (thanks Leif lol). It took just a fraction of a second longer to release than it should have, but that meant I had time to pop the balls on the floor, lean over and look into the deep box to see if there was anything in it that could be broken by putting things on top. As I leaned towards the box, the unidentified popup ball pen suddenly scratched and scraped the inside of the box, unfurled quickly, straight up and into my face, it came at me like something out of a horror movie from deep within the box; at the same time all these other sinister sounds came to a crescendo! Sleep deprivation lol, I'm a nervous wreck! Columbo will keep me safe.
#Tuesday November 3rd 2015 10:16.20 Pip woke at 03:00 and I thought it was 05:00, he had gone to bed earlier than usual last night with Ladysmith Black Mambanso playing whilst I fed him and Leif pickled onions in small baby food jars. She was really enjoying herself, and even went out to get more vinigar from the 24 hour Tesco. I'm procrastinating again, instead of creating the third page on my CV for an application as a Service Delivery Manager. So I'd better get back to it before I waste the day.
#Friday December 4th 2015 13:32.03 I just sat down in the living room whilst Leif is in the kitchen making me a coffee. I think she might be blending the roasted vegetables from last night for Rowan's lunch too. Rowan stands here holding the removable head of a dragon ornamental oil burner my mother gave us years ago. He appears to like it, perhaps he is a junkie now for chemicals, a Bostick boy at ten months.
#Monday December 7th 2015 08:24.57 There has been some awful flooding in Cumbria. I was quite moved by the stories on Radio 4 news this morning. Tia is studying the news for some home work due on Friday. She had bought a paper last week but not read it so we are trying to help her by spending some time on the news each day. We as a family don't watch the news. Personally I feel that is is often mis-represented. For example, on Radio 4, there was a lady saying 'we want more alternative religions in schools, not just Anglican Christianity'. The Telegraph on the other hand reported in a headline on page one that she wanted to push Christianity out of our schools. It is a classic and poor argument technique, I believe it is called a straw man argument. This upsets me, so I don't bother with it. If I hear something in passing which interests me I will investigate, but this happens rarely. Tia may have a hard time interpreting the news though.
#Monday December 7th 2015 13:46.01 We managed to watch half of a thirty minute YouTube video this morning about cheese making. We watched it in about seven parts to far. I wonder if we will get to the end of it. It feels like there is never any time for anything we want to do, but we don't do the things we enjoy. I feel that I have lost track of my mindfulness activities and therefore have lost perspective on the general day to day living of my life. I spend a lot of time thinking about what should be done and then the time to do has passed. I have forced myself here to take a moment whilst the baby is quietly tossing his lunch on the floor and enjoying himself doing it. He has eaten enough so I'll tidy up again now.